Live, Love, and Learn: Free Cookies!

Friday, March 27, 2009

Free Cookies!

Do you know how to get free cookies at Subway? Well, I do! Send your baby over to the counter to dance. The lady will be so delighted, she will give her a cookie and blow kisses to her! I must warn you that this will hardly discourage your baby from her obnoxious behavior in public. It will probably ruin the chances of her eating the remainder of her sub, and when you take the cookie away, everyone in the restaurant will get an earful of screaming!

1 comment:

Tim Erny said...: Ah, but nothing beats a free dookie!; March 31, 2009 at 5:37 PM

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What did you say!?!?

There is no filter in a child's mind- they say whatever they're thinking without a care if it's socially appropriate... sometimes I'm left wishing I could dig a hole and hide, other times my heart is melting from the sweetness of their thoughts. Here are some of their classic moments:

Katie one day decided she wanted to start taking showers instead of baths. She explained to us that "The bad thing about baths is that you dip your head where your bottom just was!"

embarrassing moment #382
"I know why your bottom is so big, it's because you ate too much ice cream"

I can't believe you were born when it was still 19o0 something. That was like a hundred years ago!
At church one Sunday, Claire was playing around the baptismal fountain. We rushed over to grab her before she fell in. Ryan scolded her saying,"If you fall in there you would be blessed, and then you would drown."

We were talking about how when I was little there weren't any car seats. Katie asked, "Is that because you rode in a horse and wagon?"

Claire just kissed me, I'm not going to wipe off all her slobber yet- I'm going to wait until the love is absorbed first, then I'll wipe it off.

On the difference between boys and girls... "Boys have a penis, but girls get to paint their nails."

They used to totally flip out when the rain washed away their chalk drawings and hopscotch, now they recognize it as "God's eraser."

I offered a slice of my spinach/feta pizza to Ryan who apologetically declined, "No Mommy, I don't want to throw up today."

We were discussing how Christmas is a birthday celebration for baby Jesus and asked the kids what they thought Jesus would like for a birthday present. Ryan responded, "Probably nothing since he's dead."

Katie recently complained to me that she's "not having much luck getting people to pay her before coming into her room" I asked how much it costs to enter, and she informed me, "My fee is $20."

After taking Ryan to school on the first day of Kindergarten, Katie broke down sobbing, "Now I have no one to play with except a baby! And she's going to bite my nose!"

In a movie we were watching, a man was singing and Ryan asked if it was David Cook. I told him it wasn't and he said, "Too bad, that would be a treat for the ladies!"

I am the only brunette in a golden blonde world, and once when he was little Ryan suggested that I go to the doctor so he could fix my hair.

Ryan on Kindergarten friendship, "I told that kid he was pretty cool, and he told me I'm awesome, and then we were friends." I hope it's always that easy to make friends.

Embarrassing moment #462
I was talking to a friend about her upcoming wedding and Katie interrupted- "Uh, aren't you already married?? You should be since you have a baby."

Ryan on T-ball vs Soccer... "I'd like to sign up for T-ball again, as long as they don't make me play in the outfield... that was boring!"
Why do we need to bring my birth certificate? Isn't my proof that I was born that I'm standing right here? --Ryan, not quite understanding the complexity of traveling across the Canadian border.

Katie wants to know why there's a reindeer named Nixon, but none of the other presidents had a reindeer named after them...

We were practicing all the body parts with Claire, she's learning to identify eyes, hair, belly button, etc. and Tim asked her to find Daddy's eyes. She leaned over and practically gouged out his eyes and said, "Ass." Her pronunciation is a bit off, but she's getting the basics!

Hark the Herald Angels Sing~ go ahead and sing it, I'll wait for you... Does it end the way Ryan's version does with a grand chorus of "Glory to the New York King!!!!"

I was taking Katie to the bathroom late one night around Christmas and she was mumbling something in her sleep. I asked her if she was excited for Santa to come and she answered, "He has to please his customers."

One day I thought Ryan had had a serious growth spurt. His pants were like 4 or 5 inches too short. Finally at the end of the day I asked him about them and it turns out they were Katie's pants. He said, "Yeah, I thought it was weird that they had a butterfly on the button."

Why doesn't Arkansas rhyme with Kansas? They have almost all the same letters! Ryan, who did just fine on his PALS testing at school, is learning how complex the English language is!

Ryan was sooooo disappointed to have school on St. Patrick's Day. "How can we have school today? Don't they know it's a holiday!"

How do blind people wake up in the morning if they can't open their eyes?

Mommy: "Ryan, get back over here, you haven't even touched any of your vegetables!" Ryan: "How many times do I need to touch them?"

Mommy, why is there a net inside my swim trunks? Is it in case I want to go fishing?

I have 2 questions Mommy... Why didn't you sign me up for ESL? And, What is ESL?

We were reading a story about Leonardo Da Vinci and Ryan stopped me after a few minutes. "Wait a minute mommy, his middle name is 'duh'?!"

I hope Granny makes it to 100! She's SOOOO close!!